Astrology

Capricorn
Reference a Thesaurus
This month everything will go right for y—oh, uh…never mind. You will be turned into a mystical creature that springs from the footsteps of those born between November 22 and December 21. Your duty will be to spread the word of their good deeds and beauty. You will create fabulous works of art under the names of these same people. You will pay for everything they need and you will shower them with love and convince others to do the same. Inspiration for January: Giving. It. Your. All.

Aquarius
Button all Buttons
Many hands make those damn lights work. Shine them on life models accordingly. If you remember one thing in January let it be this: You can be a lead singer, but your cant make others sick. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t get pissed off when people set up lawn chairs in their front yard. But if anyone brings a rock they have every right to turn on the sprinklers. That friend you need is more than a friend. They know it, you know it, and I obviously picked up on it so stop being so platonic about the way you share your coffee. Inspiration for January: Silent films that focus on the theme of ears.

Pisces
On pause through Capricorn…
Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know. Can you repeat the question? Sure thing, here it is: A silly seal will seal the deal if you see it peel a slew of slime and grime from the dime of the slippy hippy’s hips, correct, Pip pip? Phone booths are your new best friends but remember this, we will all end up teaching at OCAD.
Inspiration for January: You ain’t got none!

Aries
Look at a Map
We love it when you call us up at three in the morning for drinks and pad thai but lets limit it to once a week this month okay? Although your enthusiasm may limit you from getting more than a few hours of sleep at a time not all of us are in the same canoe. Actually, none of us are. We are asleep in a huge checkered house boat and we are unplugging our phones. Stop skipping class. Inspiration for January: Children. Frolicking. In lava.

Taurus
Find A New Way Home
Try writing your definition of ‘emotional security’ on a t-shirt and wear it to every party you go to this month.  This will help you with your marriage. Yes, thats right, your marriage! Congratulations. Another way to assist with said marriage is to stop being so sulky. Try to be as sensual as possible, just not around sculpture students. Your Next Project: It will all go as planned. If it is not going as planned with fifteen minutes to go, cut it in half and then weld it back together.

Gemini
Try Something Twice
Stop making out in Butterfield Park because everyone is getting jealous. If you are not making out in Butterfield Park, hang out there more. Buy a print from a fellow OCAD student. One day it will make you very rich. That is, if you go into business. If you are not going into business, forgo all printmaking purchases. You will need the extra cash. It may be the best of times, your papa shouldn’t preach. But, just to make it clear, you are keeping the baby? Inspiration for next month: White things in snowstorms.

Cancer
Pick Up The Phone!
Most of what you say is interrupting someone else. Racing old and pregnant women to the last seat is not funny, no matter how many stops you laugh for. About that thing you saw…You were never supposed to see that. The girl sitting near you had a better idea first. It’s best not to let on to the fact that you’re hoarding all the goods. Stay silent this month until your ingenuity and luck passes. Inspiration for January: That thing on your head.

Leo
Seek Alternative Perspectives
Your love life has never been interesting. It’s very bad taste to make fun of other people just because they are hotter than you. You’re not fooling anyone. It’s time you stopped that. Sugary-sweetness is messing with your future and its not going to last. But you already knew that, Anastasia.  This month you will be tempted to copy and paste blogs. Please refrain from posting any more photos and take down the ones from four years ago. Trust me, his next relationship will go MUCH smoother if you do. The best bet for January: Smug and discreet.

Virgo
Use a $5 Word
Move to Australia and have some babies. It will make us all feel better. Pretty hair will carry you as Columbus was carried by doves; not at all.  It is very difficult to have such smooth hair in all that heat. When you start carrying kids around it will get even harder. Although you may be sad to leave your friends and family you are going to love the kangaroos. You will look deep into their eyes and hop along side them. They will even put you in their pocket! No one will miss you THAT much, so don’t feel bad. You are really going to love it. You will! I swear! The sooner the better! Inspiration for January: The feeling of a pocket.

Libra
Practice Fake Crying
Make circles and a five year plan. Because you’re worth it, blonde blonde blonde. Duck! Dive! Into lake Ontario and retrieve the coral necklace and her wild horses. The milk will make you more attractive so splash around in it. The Mule is very wise and although you are young at heart you have no impulses. Your life is like a box of daggers and marshmallows, you’ll never know which will kill you faster. Inspiration for January: Bookbinding.

Scorpio
Stand to the right, literally.
Old habits die hard so don’t you dare try to wear that one in the back of your closet.  Never lend Rochester a book, he will only give you alcohol. This month promises to be sew much more than a fabric store. Jessica from high school is no longer interested, but don’t let that dictate who you eat lunch with, its never to late to stage a revolution! Your next project: Made out of the hair that is on your jacket.

Sagittarius
Watch For Gum!
This month everything will go right for you. When you hand in your projects your teachers will say in hushed tones “My word, I have never been in the presence of such talent”. A new scholarship will be set up in your name and suddenly everything will be free! Love will surround you, friends will call everyday and your family will gain a new sense of your worth and capability. You will shine with beauty and glory among the masses. Inspiration for January: The wildlife and mystical creatures that spring from your footprints.