My sexual experience with a 20 dollar bill

By Patricia Farias

I always thought I had pretty basic needs in terms of what I fantasized about sexually. Big, thick dick. On this particular day I had something else on my mind. That filthy and thin, let me put you in my pocket so you can feel how wet I am for you, twenty dollar bill. I could not stop thinking about it. There is an interesting relationship between my sex life and money. In the summer I worked at an insurance company and I was making money. Like, good money. Like, I was buying Belmont cigarettes and eating properly kind of thing. Interestingly enough I too, I was getting laid on a regular basis. Three, four times a week. I felt relaxed. In August my contract came to an end, I became disinterested in the man I was sleeping with (and his girlfriend came back into town, but I forget which came first), and I could not stop thinking about money. For the past five months every single time I pass by an ATM machine or a BMO (shout out to my little portugal branch) I get wet. Seriously wet, too. Wet like the first time I watched lesbian porn wet. Anyways, about this day. It was Wednesday and I had made plans to meet my friend at the Hen House. I wanted a pint, nachos, and for my line of credit card to give me one last 20. As I walked down Ossington I felt exhilarated. I felt almost as excited as the time I worked at Starbucks and slept with a regular who lived across the street. By the way I found out he had one ball which is pretty cool because I had never seen that before. Anyways, so that is how excited I was. As I walked by storefronts I checked my reflection to make sure I looked good. Finally there it was. That dirty little sign that reads BMO erected perfectly like the statue of David, but more biblical. I was ready. I went through the door and I could see the machine smiling at me with green flashing lights showing me where its openings were. I fingered the buttons and I could feel myself throbbing. I started to breathe heavily. I got down on my knees and the machine was flashing: transaction processing!!!!!!!!!! Finally, I heard the sound! That beautiful sound the bank machine makes when it is about to come and I could not help it. I really had to and so I did. I let it come in my mouth.