Horoscopes

Pisces

Characteristics: Generous, sympathetic, responsive, kind, sensitive, adaptable, a natural healer, with shrewd mentality, strong will power, determination, and good common sense.
Tendencies: To be full of self-pity, unable to make a decision, moody, lazy to avoid responsibility, a procrastinator, and a worrier.
Famous Pisces: Johnny Cash, Frederic Chopin, Copernicus, Victor Hugo, Vaslav Nijinsky, Elizabeth Taylor.

Element: Water
Lucky Day: Monday
Lucky Number: Seven
Jewel: Bloodstone
Key Word: Sensitive
Ruling Planet: Neptune
Colours: Gray, Pink, White

Pisces: Skip Some Stones
All I see in your future is twins. Weird.

Aries: Think of handcuffs as bringing two together.
You are twenty one feet deep in water and powering thousands of homes, you deserve a good view. Hurrah for long arms!

Taurus: What colour are you?
Jump rope app? It’s a sure thing but as First Head Senior President Jump Rope Team Leader (FHSPJRTL) you will have none of it! Emergency meetings are needed, underground.

Gemini: Learn to Fly
The first skirmish was in the archives. The second was in the library. The third was in the resource room. This must be resolved before all hell breaks loose in the lecture hall.

Cancer: Make like the Birds & Bees
Follow that rounded pointy thing in your chest of drawers, Picasso.

Leo: There is always the subconscious at play.
Just so you know, Lucy Maud Montgomery has no desire to be equal to man. She would prefer to maintain her superiority.

Virgo: Who are the people behind you?
Sometimes it’s a very good idea to be cautious but sometimes it’s a real bad move kiddo, like today for example, if you are too careful you’ll never meet your future ex step sister. And wouldn’t that be a shame!

Libra: Get a twitter (Tweat-shit)
You keep living like you are going to be transported into Luongo’s body two minutes into overtime but you never consider how traumatic it will be.

Scorpio: Think subway etiquette.
If you want to learn to sing and play the banjo you might as well learn to fight while you’re at it.

Sagittarius: Day trip it up!!!
We do not rent rooms to yachtsmen. And neither should you.

Capricorn: Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.
This month you could take up throat singing. It should be pretty easy, super relaxing AND a great party trick. (You are in severe need of a party trick)

Aquarius: Shields up!
If I had one super power it would be break dancing. Reading the stars is overrated.